I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
