her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
