i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
