so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
