he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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