someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
