you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
