my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
