I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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