i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
