textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize