I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
