I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
