It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
