one two three fourrrrnication!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Pooping to opera.
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