Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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