You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
