How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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