i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
