It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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