I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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