Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
