Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Randomize
