Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
