Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
