Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize