you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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