i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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