I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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