Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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