dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
