Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
