Banned from zoo.
Again?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
