So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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