I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
