Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
