i think my tv is drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
