At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
