my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
