he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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