im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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