hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
