I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
