You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
