So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
