i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
