My first STD was from a foam party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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