last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
