Small penises have feelings too.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
