i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
