Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
