Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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