i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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