Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
