im six kinds of drunk right now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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