I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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