This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
