I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
