final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
