I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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