we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
