I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
