i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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