I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
