Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
