fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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