I want to have your abortion
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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