I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
