There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
