Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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